Category: Politics

New Earth-type planet – Ross 128b

Scientists have discovered a new planet 11 light years away that is similar to Earth and could well support life. This means that as they view us through their super-scanners we are still in 2006. They may chuckle at inflated share prices but, all in all, we weren’t doing too bad back then.

In 11 years time, they will see Brexit and the election of Donald Trump. Then they’ll assess global warming, U.S. withdrawal from the Paris Agreement and China building coal power stations at a rate of knots. They might see half the world starving while one man pays $450 million for a bit of daubed canvas. They will shake their heads in despair and know that the human race is toast. We won’t get to Mars, never mind them.

Hug-Gate or Hugate?

These political crises are getting tricky to write about? Kneegate was fairly easy. The word rolls off the tongue, like Watergate or Camillagate. But what is one meant to do with Hug-Gate. Hugate sounds like a gemstone.

In any case, it was totally unacceptable. For an older man to hug a woman and then send a text saying she’s attractive and he wishes he was twenty years younger. Unheard of in the entire history of the human race. But did he touch her knees?

Sex Pests

Today I road on the roof of the bus to avoid any inappropriate shoulder rubbing with females. Unfortunately, a pedestrian accused me of looking down her cleavage and I was arrested anyway. The cells were already full of wolf-whistlers, knee touchers and other sex fiends so the police let me off with a caution.